I have seen this scene many times before, mom Sarah walks into our Karate school, her eleven-year-old, grumpy son, Ethan, trailing right behind her. Sarah looks exhausted, like she’s at her wit’s end, and Ethan looks annoyed, his shoulders hunched, and looking down at the floor. Sarah had heard that karate could help her son be more respectful, and Ethan, to her surprise, had shown a flicker of interest in learning Karate. This was her last hope. She worried that his disrespectful attitude and inability to listen would only get worse as he grew older and bigger.

As I spoke with Ethan, I saw past the grumpiness. There was great potential there, not just for karate, but for him to become an upstanding, respectful, and kind individual. His current actions, however, were entirely dictated by his misguided emotions. What he needed, I knew, was just a bit of coaching and some positive peer pressure from like-minded students.

I spoke to Ethan, particularly about the importance of respecting his parents. I shared my own experience, how even in my fifties, I still hold deep respect, love, and care for my mom, and would never dream of raising my voice to her. “Your mom,” I told him, “is there to be loved, hugged, kissed, and taken care of.” I also made it clear that karate is only to be used for defending yourself and those you love, and that was my clear expectation of him. I think Ethan saw a path to something he truly wanted, and agreed to work on his attitude as a condition for training.

And so, his journey began. Day by day, week by week, we coached him, frequently checking in with Sarah to track his progress. Some weeks were great, while others were a bit challenging, with Ethan occasionally slipping back into old habits. But as the months passed, a true transformation began to unfold.

Sarah’s reports became increasingly positive. She spoke of a kinder, more respectful son, who was now helping out around the house without being asked. Even his school grades started to improve. Ethan himself seemed happier; the initial grumpy demeanor had given way to more smiles and a genuinely more positive outlook.

After a year and a half of consistent training, I couldn’t be prouder of Ethan. Hearing about his accomplishments, both inside and outside the dojo, is incredibly rewarding. I can only imagine the many more great things he will achieve if he continues on this path. This is what truly fuels my motivation to teach karate day in and day out. While the amazing skills, powerful punches, and high kicks are impressive, the true victory lies in the perfection of our students’ character – the victory over oneself. And to every “Ethan” who feels misunderstood or struggles with their emotions: there is a path forward. All it takes is the willingness to try. The journey may be challenging, but the person you become at the end is well worth the effort.